he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
