so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
