:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
