I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
