I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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