worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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