Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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