I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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