Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
