is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
