Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
