a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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