I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize