Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
