um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
