If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
