the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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