I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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