70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im part way to drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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