It's like God shit irony all over that family
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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