Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.