I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.