THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?