Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
