I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize