can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.