I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?