i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls