I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
