he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
