She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
