I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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