Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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