i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
