my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
