Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
