i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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