i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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