and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
