I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
