I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
