M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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