I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nutella sex= disaster
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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