Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
