he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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