This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
