and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
