i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
