Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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