I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
