Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pants are for mortals
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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