if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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