I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
