new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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