You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
