I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
