Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize