Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
