Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
