He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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