feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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