Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
