Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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