Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
