I skipped work to stalk him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
