Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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