I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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