Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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