Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
