she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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