you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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